Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
