So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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