maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
