hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize