we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
