What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
