If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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