Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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