$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i would punch a child for taco bell
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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