You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
