So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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