the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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