i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
