Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize