we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
