ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
