small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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