There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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