GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
