i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you win again, gameday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
