did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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