this will be a night to untag.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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