So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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