we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
