Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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