I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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