remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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