Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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