I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize