Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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