You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
