I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
