If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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