do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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