she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
