I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
