Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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