I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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