My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
