I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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