If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
