Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize