he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
