I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
