Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
