remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
