I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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