I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
