should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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