Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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