last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
