I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
