Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
