The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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