Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
