her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
