I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
