I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
