Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
