Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
