Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
