because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
