sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
