i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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