We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
