I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
