I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
