Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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