so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just pee around me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
