Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
